1) I bought a Harley-Davidson motorcycle off of the Internet last week. That may sound stupid to some people but I didn’t buy it off of some idiot on eBay, this guy was an eBay power seller with 100% feedback. I like the feedback system. I just don’t like it when people put negative feedback and don’t explain why. It would be like if I were selling a car and every time someone looked at it a person drove by screaming “Tommy sucks” with no explanation. On the other side sometimes people assume it’s a good person if they have one hundred percent feedback. I told a friend about the motorcycle and the first thing he asked was “what’s his feedback?” I told him it was perfect and he said, “Well that’s not easy he must be a good guy I’d trust him.” He’s a good guy? How do we know? What if he has had his daughter locked in a cellar for 24 years but is really honest and punctual with his ebaying? If that were true I would say he is not a good guy. I would still buy from him I can’t tell someone how to raise their children.

Anyway I bought a motorcycle from a mystery Internet man on eBay. What could go wrong? A lot could go wrong, but nothing did. I was actually expecting the worst. I thought it would be a toy Harley-Davidson or a framed picture of a Harley-Davidson or just a picture of a guy named Harley-Davidson counting my money. The only problem I had was the same problem I have every time I buy something on eBay and that is taking it personal when someone outbids me. I typed in my bid minutes before the auction was over and began my victory dance. My victory dance is a combination of an old Indian victory dance that was performed after they had defeated another tribe and the electric slide. Then out of nowhere some snake outbids me. I don’t know whom he thinks he’s dealing with but that ain’t happening. We go back and forth for a bit but I won the motorcycle and paid almost six hundred dollars over my self-imposed ceiling. Now instead of a really good deal I got an okay deal and the feeling of victory over some person who is probably in a hotel room bidding in his underwear…too.

I found out buying the Harley wasn’t the only purchase. I have to buy Harley clothes (which are expensive) to get the full riding experience. Having the cool clothes is good and bad. On the bike I can look like a tough guy on a hog with a leather jacket. Off the bike I look like the idiot in Wal-Mart wearing a leather coat in May.

AMENDMENT: I would have bought a foreign bike because clothes are cheaper when made in a sweatshop in Taiwan.